for those of you who can see what the heck this is. give yourself a clap. for those who can't, smack yourself. haha. while i was uploading this pic into blogger, i asked my mom to look at this wonderful work of art. and she was like ," what? where? what thing!!? i can't see!!" . only when i told her it was a reflection, she went ''chey! like that also nice" haha. oh well. obviously i had asked for opinion from someone of the wrong century. hehe. yawn. it's so humid today! thank goodness i managed to get some studying done. seems like many people have not been able to concentrate. be it affected by bgrs or just simply couldn't concentrate. hurr. lala.

sigh. i haven't been spoken to him for more than 24 hours. and i don't know why i'm feeling so neutral. like simply numb to it. i just feel so tired. i guessed my presence has changed the mood around me as even my mom could sense something was not right about me. sigh. i've been so ignorant about this that i kinda forgot what was the whole thing about. sigh. but what i really can't stand is that he has to contact my friends whenever i don't wanna talk to him. does the whole world need to know about our problems? does he really like the attention? doesn't he have a phone? can't he call or sms me? sigh. that's really what i don't understand. and i don't think i ever would.

i made a pact with myself. if he calls tonight, i'll settle this matter calmly. but if he doesn't (which i'm sure he wont, coz he hasn't called my house for more than two weeks), it'll be cold war till the end of time. yup. i realised i call most of the time, but that's not the point. i don't mind calling. but that just shows how much we mean to each other. sigh=( the more i blog right now, the more sad i feel. oh well. i've gotta type it all down anyway. or i'll just explode.

i have a problem trusting people. because this world is an fairly unpredictable one. you trust someone. someone promises you something, and breaks it the next day; crushing your heart into pieces. that has happened to me countless times in a short lifetime of 16 years. and if i can't even trust the one and only in my life, i'd be isolating myself from everyone.

roszana and chris. one of the most perfect couple i've ever come across. but what happened? i was talking to ros in the afternoon. i could hear that she was in lots of pain. the pain of losing someone. regretting the shoulds and should nots. and i start to think of my relationship with daniel. what it's all about.

he's just one of a kind. someone who makes me feel like he's a part of me. without him, life just isn't life. but i have to admit. i have a weakness. i can't cope very well with insecurity. especially when he goes clubbing. no matter how he assures me that nothing happens, i've heard too many true life horror stories to put my whole heart at rest. especially when he tells me he's going clubbing only when he reaches the place.

i realised something else in the afternoon. he hardly tells me where he is unless i asked him. imagine what might have become if i hadn't ask him where he was that friday. oh well. it's imaginable. but undscribable. i read his old blog. sigh. and maybe that's why friends mean so much to him now.

damn. i feel like crying so bad right now. it's nearly 11 and i know he won't call. oh well. 2 whole days and i have no clue what he has been up to. but whatever. he has no clue what i'm up to either. childish as he might call me. and maybe thats what he feels since i'm TWO YEARS YOUNGER than he is. what i can stand and can't stand, he doesn't know. what ticks me off the most, he hasn't got a clue.

i have fault. in wanting to talk to my boyfriend for a little while longer on the phone. i have fault. when after a whole day of minimum communication, i dont give my boyfriend enough ''space'' to spend time with his friends by wanting to hang on to the phone a little while longer. it's me who's always at fault.

Maybe I should just back out from his life. Since he said that because of people like me that his blood pressure went up so high. I really should back out. So that if anything ever happens to him, he can never use the excuse that it is ME who brought it upon him.

life is full of surprises. can't wait to discover each and every single one of them(=