that song by craig david is my current craze! heehee. his voice is just sooooo smooth. yawn. finally. i feel abit better now. though my eyes are shit sore from all that crying. the one who brought me the most joy is also the one who brought me the most pain.

whatever i do is never enough. you know what. i heck care. i'm not gonna restrict myself from saying what i really feel so as not to hurt feelings. i've had enough of tolerating this. daniel i mean. i feel a great deal of pressure from my mom. she feels sad for me. why? because she can fore see that me and daniel will not have a happy life together. she even ask me to dump him as soon as possible if not i will suffer.

that annoys me at times. but i never took her words and dump him just like that. i ignored her like she was babbling crap. but now i start to think back. from the way he always puts on his i-want-my-face attitude, it is never gonna work out. furthermore. i dont trust him. seriously and sadly speaking. i still really don't. and he on the other hand never even put in effort to show that i can trust him.

when i asked him to cut down clubbing to two times per month, he agreed to it. and even when i realised that he was going for the third time in a month, i never said anything. but now when he went clubbing for the fourth time this month, he told me only when he was in the club. and i had to ask him where he was. sigh. why i don't like him to club so much? he should know that very well. just ask him yourself. i dont wish to post what he did to the whole world.

i realised that even my american friends visit my blog. hurr. hi guys. anyway. he wants me to listen to him. that i cant go clubbing without him. fine. i already asked him if after prom he's free, so we can go wherever together. i will keep to my promise, especially promises to my boyfriend. because i know how delicate the trust can be. once you lose it, it's hard to ever get it back.

i would listen to him and do what he says. but does he? do i even matter to him? does my words matter to him? he has proved it time and again that whatever i say wouldnt make a difference in hid decisions. i feel like i'm just there for him to have and to hold like a stuffed toy. am i suppose to feel this way? i seriously doubt so. what hurts me the most is that he doesn't even bother to gain back my trust. like it was never important to begin with.

he probably think that i'm fine with everything. but the truth is, i'm not. sometimes i would cry myself to sleep uncertain how things would be and why did he wanna lose my trust. i suffer you know. who's the fucker feeling insecure? me. who's the fucker having to deal with the Olevel at the same time? me. who's the fucker whose dad is leaving for a bombed country? me. and who's the one feeling like she has the whole world on her shoulders? it's still me...

sigh. but does he care? no. he just adds on to my load. so what if i love him. can love overcome all obstacles? i doubt so. can you have love but no water or food? no. sigh. i have no idea what i should do. i'll be really frank here. i've never met a guy behaving so much like a girl ever. well. minus zr. the attitudes he give are so girl-like. reminds me of what my sisters would give. but he has his attitude to thank after all. he finally managed to drive me off a cliff and get rid of me. he got what he wanted. so congrats to him. i've hit my limit for the first time in a very long while and it has never felt better.