hee. what a tiring day today. i was dragged to the it show at suntec. and it was sooooo damn crowded. i dont understand how can anyone shop in a mess like this. i had a headache just after a mere half an hour. hee. felt like vomiting real bad but managed to hold back for about 3 hours more. then i had a torturous car ride home before i finally threw up. think i'm sick again but oh well. should be fine(= maybe i just need a good sleep. haven had one for about two weeks now. yawn.

sigh. you might think that from my blogging, that the break up didn't affect me. but frankly speaking, it does. but i told myself i can't just sit around and moan about it. those things he said was by far the worse stuff anyone has ever ever ever said to me. i never ever would have thought that he would say those things to me. no matter how angry he was. '' now i know why you and your ex broke up.'' he knows shit about what happen between me and him. my relationship between me and zr was completely different. it was full of hurt, betrayal, lies. how can he ever summarise my one-year-plus reationship with zr as '' now i know why you and your ex broke up.'' ? he doesn't even have an idea of what i've been through. that is just so damn hurtful. it just crushes my heart instantly.

but oh well. what's done is done. i'm trying hard not to think about it anymore. i'm not one who holds grudges or speak vulgarly unless i'm seriously very very angry. and i'm usually very sorry for it. but i'm not angry now. i'm just really really sad though i don't show much to casse and jin. why let my mood affect them? they don't deserve that. i can hardly concentrate on my prelims now. though i'm trying to force myself to. this was all bad timing. but it can't be helped, can it.

you might be wondering. have i ever loved him in the first place? yes, i loved him. and i'm not telling if i still love him. i wouldn't be so hurt right now if i didn't love him. and if i didn't give it my all. he's the best person to know what i meant. and why did i let go? it's pointless holding on to a person who would let you go too. he let go of me from the moment he agreed that we should break. though i was the first to suggest it. i wasn't dumping him. we just broke of.

sigh. i'm feeling worse by the minute. i hate feeling like this. i can't be the bubbly self that i used to be. but i will try to bounce back from this. it's only a matter of time. well. i think i better log off now. i'm feeling more sickly by the second. my head is trobbing like crazy and i'm feeling warm like fever warm. cya for now.