forgive the annoyance of others(=

whee. it's our 8th month today! (= time FLIES. hee. my sisters went to malacca this morning. they woke up at around 5 just to make sure they've got everything packed for the trip and went off at 6. haha. absolute PEACE for two days. hee hee hee. love you baby.

the english teacher

hmmm. here i am. blogging away again. fell asleep on the com yesterday night. my dad had to come in and chase me away. hehe. woke up at 1030. thank goodness there's no school. i just heard from my mom that dad is leaving on sunday. to jakarta for around 6 months. sad is one thing. but it's like the same thing again. he wouldn't be here for my Olevels. neither will he be here to drive me around during prom night.

i'm currently listening to ''call him mine by tata young'' quite sad actually. the girl gave up the one she loves for the one who loves her. sigh. i better stop listening to sad love songs. it's driving me nuts. was talking to a friend just now. he asked how was things going on between me and daniel. i said complicated. and he was shocked. he thought that from the looks of our friendsers, it's fine. does everyone think we're perfect? that we're inseparable? that we are unbreakable? well. FYI. we're human too.

our 8th month is near. sometimes i would forget that we're fighting and think of what to get him. jin knows me best. whenever that happens. she's always there laughing at me. bleah. she can't see this blog entry. haha. she can't enter my blog. teehee. lala. i have no idea why. everyone can enter except her. oh well.

tomorrow it's the last day of school. like seriously. there will be no more mdm chia repremanding me of my ring. no more mr gan and his disneyland talk. no more mrs koh telling me to stop playing with yz. no more mrs florence lee classes. the history lessons which bore me the most. no more mr chong and his humongous adam apple and lousy physics teaching. no more mdm chua to nag at me to study chinese. no more miss chia. the fun loving and cute english teacher who spends most of her time in front of the picture box.

wow. that all went by pretty quickly. two whole years (= yawn. i'm having tuition in half an hour. damn. hurr. well. it has been a super long entry. i hope blogger doesn't throw this away! *prays

P.S. i miss you.

i hate the way you make me cry

i hate the fact that i don't wear the ring anymore

i hate the fact that things became so bad

i hate the way you make me fall in love with you

i hate the way you crush my heart

i hate the fact that i miss you

i hate the way you've changed

i hate the feeling that i've lost you

i hate the endless fights we had

i hate the way you think you're always right

i hate to say that my feelings for you has changed

i hate the way i cry myself to sleep

i hate the many sleepless nights

i hate to say that i'm so very much in love with you

i got kinda bored. and this is what i found:



Cancer Man with Scorpio Woman

Scorpios ruling planet Pluto in combination with Cancers ruling planet, the Moon, adds up to physical warmth. These two water signs create great romance and passion together. You both love commitment, dedication and emotional intimacy. Scorpios may go after you more intensely, but all that dynamite makes you hold on tighter and they love that.

With Scorpio, there is physical attraction. Scorpio natives touch that part of Cancers relating to love, to excitement, to speculation, to children, to courtship, to change, to variety and adventure. There is plenty of compatibility between Cancer and Scorpio. This relationship is likely to be for keeps where Scorpio is concerned.

Basically, the two signs harmonize. Cancer will have to be the receptive one, because Scorpio is forceful and dominant. Cancer just because there is attraction does not mean you will live happily ever after. That depends on the maturity of the two. Don't play games, with Scorpio, there is change and Cancer soon comes out of any shell.

Compatibility Rating: 8

yawn. yaya. i know. outdated graduation photos. but it's one of the many precious moments we had. i don't know what the heck is yusuf doing behind me and jin. hurr. i remember him pushing us forward to xuan yi, having our faces looking like balloons in the picture. hehe. that's yusuf for everyone(= ages ago... ages ago... now we shall look towards the future. the FREAKING Os!!! damn. i'm trying to be as calm as possible. thank goodness for jin(= she calms me down. teehee. oh well. everyone's gotta get through it. be it fat, skinny, tall, short, cute or ugly.

prom nite. a night for romance? or a night for friendship? i prefer to see it as a night for friendship(= it's something no can help from talking about. like what to do after prom.. before prom. haha(= i wanna go zouk! with jas i mean. teehee. she can be a hell of a pro when it comes to dancing. i saw it for myself on new year's day. we were at downtown east with zr and gl. the night we let ourselves loose. teehee. wished that night never ended. yawn. oh well. there's always next year!!!

hmm. i haven't been talking to daniel much lately. it's like he's been super busy. i don't wanna msg him during work either. don't want him to lose his job because of that. sigh. oh well. there's like so much to tell but no time. i always keep him updated about things going on in my life. but these few days seemed really distant. i feel really weird. i don't know if he felt the same way too. well. he's probably too busy to think about us. sigh. oh well. since he wants his space. i'll just leave it to him to call me. yup.

hee. i just can't wait for the Os to end. i have sooo much i wanna do. like catch up with ade for example. there's always no time for us to actually hang out! and jas.. I MISS YOU!!! we should go out some time =D "dance the night away?" haha=P and i should get a job. from the way i spend. i seriously need one. teehee.

tata for now(= jin's on the line

haha. just take a look at that! how many people can pose for a last minute picture like this!? xuan yi lifted jin like this in 1 second. like WIFF. AMAZING. well. that was a picture i took on graduation day. which was ages ago. but didnt have time to blog about it. yawn. in fact. i've not blogged for a long time. oh well. with my sisters hogging the com for maple, it was never my turn. yawn. hurr. oh well. skipped school this morning. borrring. hurr. oh well.
gtg. byee.

heartbreaks and tears
lies and broken promises
time and again
when is it gonna stop?
doesn't seem like it matter
the least bit to you
doesn't seem like a difference
whether i trust you

the pain going through my heart
it's tremendous
but covered with a peaceful smile
a cheeky grin
but am i really happy?

stuck between freedom and pain
I can't cry hard enough for you to hear me
never so defenseless against suffering as when i love
i ponder for a way out

The tears I wish to wipe away
will run unchecked for another day
Alas, that is the price I pay

To remember is to suffer
So much out there
But I only want to hear one thing
To hear a voice
and feel my heart stop

I could fill a thousand pages telling you how I felt
and still you would not understand
it's like I want to throw you off a cliff
then rush to the bottom to catch you

i love you
but is my love alone enough?

the first time i talked to HER, was somewhere near april 2003. once i had to stay back in school till dark with jas and the gang. was finishing some project. she stayed back too. for what reason i'm not sure, and talked to zr. then she came over towards me and sat down. i knew who she was. that smart girl from 2e1. though she wasn't that pretty, i saw while she was talking to zr that she had a great personality.

so when she came towards to say hi. it brightened up my day. she helped us with the finishing touches to the project. like how kind of her. she asked me about my stay in the states and i didn't mind repeating my life story(which i have been doing to practically the whole class) to her. then i found out. her coursin is my primary school friend. that led to more conversations. that whole year throughout had been casual "hi"s and "bye"s. and that was all.

everything changed after the final year examinations when we received results from the chosing of our subject combination. i was prepared to be assigned to 3e3 as i had failed Maths(stupid teacher's fault.half the class failed). she came over to my class and asked all of us the class we were going next year. we compared and TA DA! we were gonna be in the same class for two freaking years. and well.. at that time, i was "stupid me". still had an impression that she was such a wonderful girl. year 2004 in 3e3 would be MARVELOUS.

and it was. well.. for the first three months that is. there was the four of us. jin casse, me and her. we stuck to each other like glue. that was when me and casse saw part of her true personality. she had the habit of lying about the simplest things. the most childish and unnecessary ones that i have ever heard. casse and i talked about it wondering what we should do. and we decided to go ask her why is she doing this? she apologized and we let the matter rest. still continued to be close friends with her.

then, she did something to me. which i had never forgave her for doing. me and zr.. it was coming to our one year anniversary but we weren't really talking (pre-anniversary blues). she came and talked to me. and she told me that amanda told her that she goes to zr's house and played on the bed till his aunt scolded them. and how she sat on his lap blah blah blah. i asked zr. but he had a bad record for lying to me. so i never believed ( told you i dont trust people that easily). he never bothered to assure me either. but that's getting out of the point.

so anyway. 13 march 2004. cross-country run. one year anniversary. she gave me and zr an anniversary. that was sweet of her. but zr wanted no share of it (two cute heart-shaped photoframes). he hated her and now i know why. and so i still have the photo frames with me. in my cupboard.

the next day, we had CIP but it was canceled. so the bunch of us, casse jin, amanda, zr, me and her went everywhere from city hall esplanade to orchard. when me and her were alone, she told me more news about them. i asked zr and we had a huge fight. right in the middle of city hall and it was so bad that we almost broke up. funny thing is. amanda wasn't there. like disappeared for that moment. zr suggested we should just go to amanda and ask her. SHE was damn terrified. saying that oh she doesnt like confrontations in public. like HELLO??? you want to confront in the toilet???

to cut a long story really short. amanda was super shocked when we asked her. we settled the matter in no time and amanda told HER to to leave. yeah... in the middle of orchard. EVERYONE was there witnessing. she shrugged and walked off.

didn't talked to her for a new months and then we gradually spoke to each other. but i never liked her. not one bit. sigh. what she did recently. is the last straw. no one will talk to her again. definitely not casse, who almost slapped her. she asked for it. she chose this route, the route without friends. she ruined her life which was just starting to be filled with friends who care. and she only has herself to blame for everything.

I still remember when you told me
That you were starting to fall deep
The crazy thing about it is that I feel the same way

I even dreamt about you in my sleep I close my eyes and play my song
The one that reminds me of you
The more I hear it, it makes me realize
That I really do love you too

Our feelings are strong; we can't go wrong
I promise to always be there
I know if I cried you would wipe the tears from my eyes

I love you and I have many reasons why
I give you the world, I am so happy i'm your girl
No matter if anything happens, all the good and the bad
I will love you for the rest of my life

i wanted to post a picture of the two of us. but it seems like a really inappropriate . sigh. somehow. moms always works wonders. she came in an hour ago and asked me what happened between me and daniel. i couldn't help it but lost it infront of her. yup. and until now. my eyes are sore red. sigh. she was really afraid that because of this matter, i wouldn't be able to concentrate.and whether i would like to go talk it out with him. but i assured her that i'm fine. really. i am. i don't have difficulty concentrating or anything.

whee. graduation ceremony this friday!! but it would feel weird since we have not really graduated yet. hurr.

i was really shocked this morning during geography. i just learned that Science is needed in the L1R4!!!! die die die. i gave up on everything for a moment. i was like. shit. how am i suppose to PASS SCIENCE! booohooohoooo! sigh oh well. one step at a time.

for those of you who can see what the heck this is. give yourself a clap. for those who can't, smack yourself. haha. while i was uploading this pic into blogger, i asked my mom to look at this wonderful work of art. and she was like ," what? where? what thing!!? i can't see!!" . only when i told her it was a reflection, she went ''chey! like that also nice" haha. oh well. obviously i had asked for opinion from someone of the wrong century. hehe. yawn. it's so humid today! thank goodness i managed to get some studying done. seems like many people have not been able to concentrate. be it affected by bgrs or just simply couldn't concentrate. hurr. lala.

sigh. i haven't been spoken to him for more than 24 hours. and i don't know why i'm feeling so neutral. like simply numb to it. i just feel so tired. i guessed my presence has changed the mood around me as even my mom could sense something was not right about me. sigh. i've been so ignorant about this that i kinda forgot what was the whole thing about. sigh. but what i really can't stand is that he has to contact my friends whenever i don't wanna talk to him. does the whole world need to know about our problems? does he really like the attention? doesn't he have a phone? can't he call or sms me? sigh. that's really what i don't understand. and i don't think i ever would.

i made a pact with myself. if he calls tonight, i'll settle this matter calmly. but if he doesn't (which i'm sure he wont, coz he hasn't called my house for more than two weeks), it'll be cold war till the end of time. yup. i realised i call most of the time, but that's not the point. i don't mind calling. but that just shows how much we mean to each other. sigh=( the more i blog right now, the more sad i feel. oh well. i've gotta type it all down anyway. or i'll just explode.

i have a problem trusting people. because this world is an fairly unpredictable one. you trust someone. someone promises you something, and breaks it the next day; crushing your heart into pieces. that has happened to me countless times in a short lifetime of 16 years. and if i can't even trust the one and only in my life, i'd be isolating myself from everyone.

roszana and chris. one of the most perfect couple i've ever come across. but what happened? i was talking to ros in the afternoon. i could hear that she was in lots of pain. the pain of losing someone. regretting the shoulds and should nots. and i start to think of my relationship with daniel. what it's all about.

he's just one of a kind. someone who makes me feel like he's a part of me. without him, life just isn't life. but i have to admit. i have a weakness. i can't cope very well with insecurity. especially when he goes clubbing. no matter how he assures me that nothing happens, i've heard too many true life horror stories to put my whole heart at rest. especially when he tells me he's going clubbing only when he reaches the place.

i realised something else in the afternoon. he hardly tells me where he is unless i asked him. imagine what might have become if i hadn't ask him where he was that friday. oh well. it's imaginable. but undscribable. i read his old blog. sigh. and maybe that's why friends mean so much to him now.

damn. i feel like crying so bad right now. it's nearly 11 and i know he won't call. oh well. 2 whole days and i have no clue what he has been up to. but whatever. he has no clue what i'm up to either. childish as he might call me. and maybe thats what he feels since i'm TWO YEARS YOUNGER than he is. what i can stand and can't stand, he doesn't know. what ticks me off the most, he hasn't got a clue.

i have fault. in wanting to talk to my boyfriend for a little while longer on the phone. i have fault. when after a whole day of minimum communication, i dont give my boyfriend enough ''space'' to spend time with his friends by wanting to hang on to the phone a little while longer. it's me who's always at fault.

Maybe I should just back out from his life. Since he said that because of people like me that his blood pressure went up so high. I really should back out. So that if anything ever happens to him, he can never use the excuse that it is ME who brought it upon him.

life is full of surprises. can't wait to discover each and every single one of them(=

the bus stop paradise. that's what i captioned the photo under in friendster. teehee. jin and lee kiang were both goofballs that day. yawn. there were more but jin didnt upload them. hurr. yawn. i'm so drained! had been studying the whole day. well. not exactly the whole day. it was kinda like... half a day? hee. started at two. yup. and i realised that geography isn't that hard after all. especially that population chapter=)) phew!

shawn sent me his photo today. the one with that new specs of his. haha. looks ok LAH. and he was asking me to rank the cutest guys in his class. i mean, c'mon LOH. you want to compare yourself with the SIX guys in your class? haha. i ranked him 1st. well. there wasn't much of a choice. teehee. you can roughly get what i mean. yawn.

i woke up feeling really sick today. like there wasn't much energy left in me. i has great difficulty getting down from the bed. difficulty dragging myself to the bathroom. i felt like i was on fire. my throat was sore. i had flu. ah! i'm dying! boohooo! yawn.

sigh. my mom was asking me where's daniel. i said i haven talked to him all day. she asked why. but i just smiled. she seems somewhat happy that i'm putting boyfriend aside for my studies. haha. oh well. whatever the case.

today's roszana's sweet 16. well i hope she went ahead and enjoyed herself today. without chris. i mean. who would have thought that things would end up like this. my heart goes out to her. sigh. that poor girl. she is very strong i must say. if it were me. i do not wish to think of what the outcome might be. well. she deserves a much better guy. it's not the looks that matter. it's the heart(=

A whole new month.
The prelims are the past.
The results are coming back.
One disappointment after another.
Tears after tears.
Failure after failure.
Makes me wonder..
Will there ever be an end to this?