whee

theartoflove.

hee. i'm just looking at the picture above. so nice don't you think? all thanks to the wonderful photograhy skills of my boyfriend ((= it's my 7th month present for him. hardly do you see such a pair of bears. actually i was thinking between keeping it for myself or giving it to daniel. and i decided against keeping it for myself as it's just way toooooooooooo cute not to give it to my beloved. teeheehee. but tragic things happened to the bears twice yesterday. i actually typed it all down yesterday but somehow blogger went crazy and stole my entry.

baby almost lost it! boohoooooooooooo! he had to dig through some rubbish bags form coffee bean to retrieve it. thank goodness he found it. or i would have cried terribly. sigh. don't we bloggers feel restricted nowadays? i mean, if u had a really bad day at school with an absolutely unreasonable teacher, you don't even have the right to complain about it in your own blog. your diary. do that once and the police would be at your doorstep in no time. sigh. what's the use of a blog anyway. who would ever read blogs again if we don't spice things up?

in a typical ''guai'' blog. you would see all the '' this morning i brush my teeth. made my bed. and went to school'' kinda entry. reading it once or twice may be okay. but the third time would send you off to LALALAND. the trill comes from the more ... i would say... dangerous blogs. i wouldn't name names though. don't wanna get anyone into trouble. EVERYONE is at risk at this point of time. hurr. yawn.

school was boring today. in fact. it has been boring ever since they changed to the new timetable. three intensive subjects a day! each lasting from 1 to 2 hours. damn. we don't even have early offs on fridays. sigh. oh well. at leaast i passed my POA. i expected more than anything to fail it. the paper was freaking hard. i blanked out halfway through the paper but fortunately managed to recover from it soon enough. 51/100. i know i know. it's nothing to be impressed about. hurr.

wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! it's our 7th month anniversary today! ((= time really flies when you're in love. teehee. and guess what! i have superteen followup workshop tomorrow! i'm gonna see ernest wong AGAIN! ((= kinda missed him alot the other time. hee. three whole days of training with him was an enjoyable one. HEE(= well. i'm gonna sign off now. hurr. cheers(=

Fly away - nelly

Free City
This is a shout out to every young brother ya know
Thats doin his thing right now
Keep ya head up...
He's walkin the yard wishin he had wings
Ya know so he could fly up out that joint
Man

[Intro]
If I could, fly away
Ooo and I wouldn't come back no more
I, I'd turn around,
Just to see you for the last time,
See, now I know
Hey, that it won't be easy
I done fought in a battle, and I done made it this far
I gotta few more feet, but its still the longest yard

[Verse 1]
Man, it's the longest yard I ever had to get in my life
And see my life ain't right, if my wife don't write
My niggas cant eat if the fish don't bite
My raise the gross sales, like Mike and Ike
Now big brother almighty
I keep a gamma ray, i'ma G-5 G
Take a G-5 jeep, G-5 deep
Too some of their bare feet
And that jeep don't speak
Listen mayne they lock it down round herre
See body bag and gag and your found round herre
This as serious as it sound round herre
The guards guard the ground, 4 pounds round herre
And they ain't playin, they're just lettin you know
That anything they want to happen, nigga happen real slow
Get the word from upstairs, put you in that hole
I cant take it, I'm just ready to go

[Chorus]
If I could, fly away
Ooo and I wouldn't come back no more
I, I'd turn around,
Just to see you for the last time,
See, now I know
Hey, that it won't be easy
I done fought in a battle, and I done made it this far
I gotta few more feet, but its still the longest yard
Yeah yeah, its still the longest yard
Uh uh, its still the longest yard
Um um, its still the longest yard
I done fought in a battle and I done made it this far

[Verse 2]
I'm in my cell 20 hours a day
And doin push-ups ever hour a day
Cause im tryin to keep the cobwebs away
Thats why im markin off the calendar days
Tryin to get it out of the way
And im just tryin to keep a piece of mine
And im gon shame a motherfucker with a piece of mine
Cause he tryin to take a piece of mine
So im gon slice his ass a piece at a time
But now that they close the door
Lock me in and cell 30 deep but its built for 10
Tell me what kind of world they got you in
With the barbed wire fences, box u in>
From now, til they turn off the lights
I'ma read anything in sightIts kinda hard tryin to read at night
But I'ma change my life
And hope another brother take this flight

[Chorus]
If I could, fly away
Ooo and I wouldn't come back no more
I, I'd turn around,
Just to see you for the last time,
See, now I know
Hey, that it won't be easy
I done fought in a battle, and I done made it this far
I gotta few more feet, but its still the longest yard
Yeah yeah, its still the longest yard
Uh uh, its still the longest yard
Um um, its still the longest yard
I done fought in a battle and I done made it this far

[Verse 3]
(Oohh no) I gotta make it out this place some how
(Oohh no) Man I really believe that I done turned it around
(Oohh no) You see, all I need is that second chance to show,
since I crossed the ration, my obligation of rehabilitation
(Oohh no) They can punch me high, and they can kick me low
(Oohh no) But I mean its gonna take more than that for them to break my soul
(Oohh no) Man its hard for people to understand what its like to be,gated,
incarcerated , I just cant take it, but I'ma make it man to see better days

[Chorus]I
f I could, fly away
Ooo and I wouldn't come back no more
I, I'd turn around,
Just to see you for the last time,
See, now I know
Hey, that it won't be easy
I done fought in a battle, and I done made it this far
I gotta few more feet, but its still the longest yard
Yeah yeah, its still the longest yard
Uh uh, its still the longest yard
Um um, its still the longest yard
I done fought in a battle and I done made it this far

[Hook]
If I could fly away,
If I could I turn around,
If I could fly away

yawn. boring day today. had chinese prelims which i think i would fail again. i mean, how can someone ever pass that horrible subject? my mom is always telling me that i'll regret it in the near future. she panicked seeing me give up chinese like that and started building my sisters' foundation now. brainwashing them that chinese is such a fun and wonderful subject. yes it it useful to communicated with people. but writing it??? nah. thanks but not for me.

i've been blog-viewing for the last couple of hours. and its all quite interesting really. but somehow amanda's blog stood out the most. it was like i could totally understand how she feels. well. maybe because something kinda similar had happened to me before. sigh. that girl really needs a hug from someone. reading how badly hurt and crying she was inside made me think deep.

i have been really fortunate. daniel has never done those things to me and thinking how much he has done to make us work was just so touching (= like how often would you ever find a guy like this? he is definitely one of a kind(= and definitely one for keeps. though we quarrel at times. ( like which couple won't?? ) i'm sure we'll always manage to pull through. i try not to be like one of those over-controling girlfriends. in fact, i've never been one. it's really stupid to be like that. things wil never ever work.

though i've disliked him going clubbing much more after that huge incident, maybe to the extent of hating it, i wouldn't stop him. yup. let him handle it. little things that bother me. i would just brush it off. and soon it'll be out of my mind. why bear a grudge? it's pointless really. not only it spoils your mood but kills your brain cells like a million per second. and you'll DIE in ,maximum, a days time. is it worth it? hell no. so yup (= live your life as stress-free as possible.

yawn. i should go turn in soon. gotta wake up early tomorrow. prelims are killing me. like two papers in a day! are they planning to kill us or are they planning to kill us? hurr. oh well. that's probably life i guess. we have no say in this. yawn. happy viewing. damn. i wanna get the tagboard soon! hurr. oh well. you'll just have to make do without it for the moment(= cheers

baby i love you(=

my lovely sugar pie(=

heeeeeeeeee. it's drizzling! nice nice weather! great for sleeping. but i can't do that! =( why? prelims are like in a couple of days and i'm gonna be mugging like crazy for these two weeks. hee. i just hope that i don't collapse and die of exhaustion. yup. i've got a bit more confidence today. i got back my june olevel mock paper realising that i not only passed but i got an a2! hee. well. that's one step ahead(= i expected to fail. i dunno why but i just did. yawn. oh well. hee. i gotta go. i wanna smell the rain........... yum!(=

yawn. i finally got the time to change the skin of my blog. hee. it's tedious and i've never really liked doing such stuff when i'm sleepy. hee. but i was sick of the old one. hurr. yup. urgh. i still can't get the tagboard working. yawn. oh well. maybe i'll ask someone to do it for me. hee. yawn. i'm bored. my baby is up in genting enjoying god knows what. hurr!!!!!! no fair! i would love to go to the theme park once again. had wonderful memories there(= heeeeee. back to the age of six.

i broke my glasses today. dunno how the hell it happen but it happened anyway. hee. got this really dark glasses. like.. hurr. i dunno how to explain. my mom says i don't even look like me anymore! haha! but i find it weird. my vision is limited with these glasses. my mom said it was the 'in' thing now. haha! rrrright. yawn. i miss baby =( but he's comiong back tomorrow so it's not that bad(= i miss his voice. his contagious evil laughter. hehe. think about it just makes me smile(=

yawn! i better get off now. have no idea why i am so sleepy today . hurr. maybe its coz of the wonderful rainy weather. yup. hee. oh well. cya tommorrow or something. and baby daniel, i love you(= no matter how angry i am at you, i will always love you. i may be super paranoid at times but its all because i'm scared to lose you. have a good sleep baby. love you.

school of business
singapore polytechnic

result of personality test

dear kim,

you live a live as a spectrum of possibilities and adventures. you are highly sensitive to people and possess a keen understanding about things present and into the future. being imaginative, you are able to see connections and possibilies in situationa. as such, you shine in kicking-off new projects and trying-out novel ideas.you move ahead, strongly believing in your insights and invest great energy into these projects. having high energy levels, you are able to move people towards a common goal. however, you may not see every project through to the end. you place an emphasis on caring and affectionate erlationships. truthfulness, open communication and the potential for personal development are common traits in your friendships. while you are quick to express thanks and gratitude, you also value positive reinforcement from people. you will flourish in any environment and your zest will cheer others to blossom too.


potential strengths

new ideas and possibilities
enthusiasm and energy
people skills
adaptability
creativity

popular occupations

public relations specialists
marketuing consultant
advertising account executive
sales(intangibles/ideas)
human resourse manager
counsellor
psychologists
teachers( art and drama, music, english)
copywriter
publicity writer
editor/ art director (magazine)
writers, artists, entertainers
journalists
playwight
reporter/editor

it's a wonderful feeling.
to have my baby back(=
back into his arms.
i feel safe.
just like a baby(=

sigh. this is really going no where. from the look of his blog just kills all the chances and hopes of us ever getting back together. i have difficulty sleeping. i'm falling sick. i can't let this drag on or i'll just die. i believe the both of us had fault. in some way or another. sigh. i think maybe i'm a little too paraniod with him clubbing. but he never explained about the friendster pictures. he never told me that he posted it there coz it looked nice. but of course. i'm sure he would have something to agrue about there.

he can blog whatever he wants. i don't care anymore. i don't want to take this out on blogs. he can say me whatever he want. but how well does he actually know me? more than my friends? i seriously doubt so. he's good at talking. so much so that sometimes it doesn't even make sense. i will tell casse not to tell me anything about all these anymore. whatever he says to her, will be between him and her. i don't wish to get affected by it further. i'm not even going to go to his blog again. and that is also why i'm taking away the tagboard. it's all draining stuff.

whats the point of all this really.. to get each other more angry? the more we fight about this, the bigger the fire. if he's not tired of this, i am. i for one thing, don't go for the hard approach. but he doesn't know that. why? he doesn't know me well enough. it's a goner if you ever take the hard approach on me. though i'm usually forgivable. it's worse if you ever say fuck off and die. sigh. maybe i really should.

it's amazing how two people so much in love can end up like this. but anything is possible in this world. this is probably my last blog entry on this issue. do i love him? hell i do. but sometimes it just takes more than just love to be together. sigh. oh well. that's it for now. promise that the next entry won't be as gloomy as this one(=

hee. what a tiring day today. i was dragged to the it show at suntec. and it was sooooo damn crowded. i dont understand how can anyone shop in a mess like this. i had a headache just after a mere half an hour. hee. felt like vomiting real bad but managed to hold back for about 3 hours more. then i had a torturous car ride home before i finally threw up. think i'm sick again but oh well. should be fine(= maybe i just need a good sleep. haven had one for about two weeks now. yawn.

sigh. you might think that from my blogging, that the break up didn't affect me. but frankly speaking, it does. but i told myself i can't just sit around and moan about it. those things he said was by far the worse stuff anyone has ever ever ever said to me. i never ever would have thought that he would say those things to me. no matter how angry he was. '' now i know why you and your ex broke up.'' he knows shit about what happen between me and him. my relationship between me and zr was completely different. it was full of hurt, betrayal, lies. how can he ever summarise my one-year-plus reationship with zr as '' now i know why you and your ex broke up.'' ? he doesn't even have an idea of what i've been through. that is just so damn hurtful. it just crushes my heart instantly.

but oh well. what's done is done. i'm trying hard not to think about it anymore. i'm not one who holds grudges or speak vulgarly unless i'm seriously very very angry. and i'm usually very sorry for it. but i'm not angry now. i'm just really really sad though i don't show much to casse and jin. why let my mood affect them? they don't deserve that. i can hardly concentrate on my prelims now. though i'm trying to force myself to. this was all bad timing. but it can't be helped, can it.

you might be wondering. have i ever loved him in the first place? yes, i loved him. and i'm not telling if i still love him. i wouldn't be so hurt right now if i didn't love him. and if i didn't give it my all. he's the best person to know what i meant. and why did i let go? it's pointless holding on to a person who would let you go too. he let go of me from the moment he agreed that we should break. though i was the first to suggest it. i wasn't dumping him. we just broke of.

sigh. i'm feeling worse by the minute. i hate feeling like this. i can't be the bubbly self that i used to be. but i will try to bounce back from this. it's only a matter of time. well. i think i better log off now. i'm feeling more sickly by the second. my head is trobbing like crazy and i'm feeling warm like fever warm. cya for now.

you should listen to that one by kelly clarkson. it's beautiful(=

because of you - kelly clarkson

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because you know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

well well well. what a day it has been. cried buckets of water the whole day but sadly. it wasn't worth it. if my mom hadn't came in and asked what was wrong, i would never have slept at all. oh well. she makes the most sense. i just cant help but admit that every single thing she said was true. she is soooo experienced in these sorta thing. the indepentant kinda mom. and the coolest thing is, she allows me to club!!! can't believe she's such a cool mom. hee=)

thank goodness i'm feeling so much better today. i had this really bad headache that makes me feel like vomiting since thursday. hee. i'm actually really surprised at how i handled this. it's still hurting deeply. what he said to me before he slamed the phone, i can actually cry any moment. but i can stop the tears. with my chicken buddy with me, it's gonna be okay(=

When the darkness finds the night
My heart still beat for you
In your eyes I see the lie
What can I do,
I'll try my best to walk away
So I don't have to feel the pain
It goes on and on, on and on
And this emptiness I feel goes on and on
On and on
As I cry myself to sleep I just can't go on
On and on
When this love I feel for you is so strong
On and on, on and on
Why can't I feel your heartbeat next to mine
The way it used to beI love that purpose that is so right
I need you to see I try my best to walk away
But I just can't ignore the pain
It goes on and on, on and on
And this emptiness I feel goes on and on, on and on
As I cry myself to sleep I just can't go on
On and on
When this love I feel for you is so strong
On and on, on and on
Can I find a way to let you know
Could I ever make you see
Baby you took my soul and took my heart
But the pain you left all for me
It goes on and on
On and on
and this emptiness I feel, it goes on and on, on and on
As I cry myself to sleep I just can't go on
On and on
When this love I feel for you is so strong
On and on, on and on
You've got someone else to share your nights
I guess it's meant to be
In your eyes I see the lie
But the light's not from me
I turn around and walk away
But I'll never escape the pain
It goes on and on, on and on
It goes on and on

i'm just so pissed! never in my entire life had i expected to encounter this kind of problem in relationships. he thinks i'm making a big fuss and that i'm getting angry for nothing. sigh. whatever okay. from last night he could tell that i was pissed at him, what did he do? pretended like there wasnt anything wrong. i didnt even know that he actually knew why i was pissed till this morning. he knows that i dont like him to club. but i didnt stop him from going since it wasnt that frequent.

but now... i mean. which girl wouldn't get worried if she sees her boyfriend getting close with a bunch of girls in pics from his friendster. i kept quiet about that detail. even after he said that he actually had more of those pics. though it was kinda bothering me. i mean. i dont have to tell him everything single thing that is bothering me. now he probably thinks i dont even allow him to go clubbing at all. sigh.

being in a relationship is sometimes really tiring ang draining. you dont like your boyfriend to go clubbing for fear of him doing stuff behind your back. i mean, whatever he does there, you would never know, would you. just like i was okay with him going clubbing. till that day when i was looking at his friendster photos. i was like. what the hell.

sometimes i feel like. whatever i say in the relationship goes through deaf ears. he will never understand me. well of course. he thinks hes always right. insensitive to my feelings i would say. but oh well. what ever. i dont really care anymore. he can do whatever he wants. i will do whatever i want too. i must admit. i might be really stubborn here. but u made me.