next time dont bother

why did i even bother? you're just using me anyway. climbing up my head just to get to where you want. after all that i've done, you still have the roots. like jin said. the soil, branches, fertilizers and seed. all are still with you. now i no longer feel guilty. coz i realised that this is the path in which you choose to walk all along. with your fake innocence. forget it.

it flew away

dad left this morning. i don't know when will be the next time i can see him. but it's most likely after the chinese Os. tears are welling up in my eyes as i'm thinking about it. like my sisters said, we would really miss his version of ''hey mama'' when he comes home from work everyday. mom buys much lesser groceries. and we stock up more on junk food. sigh. it would be harder for him though. he has to get used to the culture. the way china people speak the stinky chinese language. the food. he also needs to get used to living alone too. sigh. anyway. dad found out about me and dan in a really stupid way. aarrrggghh. i dont wana say what happened again . its just so stupid of me. i practically shot myself with the gun. yup. great. i didnt expect him to tease me about it though. haha. thought that he would scold me or something. haha. well thank goodness he didn't. he's just so cute=P now both dad and dan are away. it just makes me feel really down. sigh. this is just terrible. so terrible. sigh. but everything would be over soon. i hope. i cant be selfish and pressure dan about coming back. he misses his family too. and i know how that feels. yup. meanwhile i'm just gonna try and pull my grades up. haha. slacking slacking slacking!!! bleah=P hmm.. i realised something.. i miss jas!! damn.. i haven't been spending much time with her recently. sigh. me too busy? hmm... no idea.. danny booboo. i miss you and will always be missing you till the day you come back(= love you most=P

natasha beddingfield - unwritten

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your innovations

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, oh, oh
I break tradition,
sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes,
but I can't live that way

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inner visions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inner visions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open

Today is where your book begins
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, yeah, yeah

jesse mccartney - beautiful soul

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I wont let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

I know that you are something special
To you I'd be always faithful
I want to be what you always needed
Then I hope you'll see the heart in me

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I wont let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

Your beautiful soul, yeah


You might need time to think it over
But im just fine moving forward
I'll ease your mind
If you give me the chance
I will never make you cry c`mon lets try
I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I wont let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

Am I crazy for wanting you
Baby do you think you could want me too
I don't wanna waste your time
Do you see things the way
I do I just wanna know if you feel it too
There is nothing left to hide

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I wont let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

Your beautiful soul, yeah.

i miss you

i can't help it. i just have to blog this down. baby i miss you so much! damn.. it's gonna be long. till the day you come back. can't believe how much i can love someone. i just wish that you're here now(= everytime i think of you, i smile. smile smile smile. yup. heh. i still can't put much stuff into words(= feeling too happy i guess. haha. bleah. love you baby(=

i failed.

i watched her from afar and i realised that i cannot do it. in fact. i think i've failed. she is never going to be the same again. like jin always say '' the roots are still there''. yup. she's stuck there. i can't pull her out. sigh. maybe if i wasn't so angry with her, this wouldn't have happened. she has spilt personalities. she can be really nice and funny in front of me. she complains of people bacstabbing her. but has she really taken a good look at herself? she is backstabbing too! it's pathetic! when will it stop??? she basically using me and jin as spare tires. sigh. sad world huh. what to do.

stupid liar

stupid day for a stupid test.. i'm flunking it for sure. didn't even study at all! ahaha. hmm.. i almost burst today. it's really idiotic. you think you can just push all the blame on me and get me into trouble? you are just plain stupid. what stupid sore throat!!! just a simple '' you have to hand it on monday'' will kill your bloody throat izzit? if mdm chia had still insist that we give what parents letter, i would have blown up at you right there and then. freak. if that ever happens again, i'm not gonna forgive you. its a stupid lie which is so obvious. many people saw thru it. stupid liar. i better stop or else i blow up! bleah.

stingay!

hee. i just copied the neoprints from jas's friendster! STINGAY!! ahahahaha! poor tomy. let jas bully you like that huh? nevermind. it's easy to take revenge on jas. i can help you. heeheehee. soo glad casse could make it that day. we took so many neoprints. but mostly came out shitty. oh well. we banged our heads against the walls already. ahaha. casse. i had fun! we should do this more often! poor tomy was complaining all the way about us not telling him before hand that we were taking neoprints. he had wanted to wax his hair. ahah. vainpot=P with or without his waxed hair, the pictures would still come out sucky. it was super messy. maybe we should've kick tomy out instead. ahahaha! really appreciate him for tolerating with us girls. haha. oh well.. hmmm.. it's pathetic. i cut my fringe!!! now i look like a nerd ok. full-time nerd!!! sigh. it'll never grow back to normal coz i've cut too much! the guy who was cutting my hair was enjoying himself. cutting away like nobody's business.sigh. this is the worse hairstyle i've had since primary 1. it's just bad bad bad!!! can't stop complaining about it. sigh. oh well. the twins did great with their skit. their acting were better then jin's! haha! look who's the drama queen now! haaha. ok, i've to prepare to hide. jin will come after me for saying all these. ahah! man i'm so tired. i can just sleep right here right now. damn, my eyebags are huge. how how how! today's the day! my sisters are having this birthday party at the barbeque pit. great. just great. everyone is gonna see my stupid hair. wonderful. sigh anyway. i spent the whole night making their presents so they better like it. i didn't even get to sleep! sigh. dunno whether i've got the energy later to blow the balloons anot. thank god casse would be coming. jas i'm not sure about her. she has been to some chalet just yesterday. duno whether she has the strength to come anot. ahah. i'll have to give her a call in a minute. jin.. sigh. this one is a disappointment ah! =P no more next time ah! sigh. this empty feeling is back. i keep feeling this emptiness. and it makes me wanna cry. why is it so? sigh. ohh. i'm missing him again. oh goodness when is this gonna stop. i never thought that i could miss someone so much before. sigh. no matter what i still have this really scared feeling. you know what. i cant really describe this kind of feeling. it's ... i dunno. i give up trying to describe.. but i know for sure. i love you.

i feel the awkwardness. felt the silence. i now know the answer.

AHAHAHAHAHA!!!

the weather is terrible!!! omg!!! i'm sweating the whole day!! aarrrggghhh!! well at least my headache's better today.=D hee. sigh.. i woke up today missing my baby boo more then ever!!! i'm going crazy i think. serious case of love sick still. sob. but i'll be forever waiting for him to come back. yup. heee. jin bought this really yummy candy! soooo yummy!! but i can't eat too much as i'm still sick. bummer. sigh. saw him today. guess he grew taller huh. and maybe using a better brand of wax. ahaha. well. good for him. maybe he could win his ex back at the chalet or something. hee. really good for him. i was clearing out my closet yesterday and i went thru the cards.. the letters.. and even that really creative cd note which he gave me on my birthday had kept me smiling for days .. and it kept me thinking. even something so strong and true in the past, could end just like that. with no real good reason. well.. maybe no feelings could be a reason. but somehow.. its really puzzling. what had really happened? i dont think anyone knows. not even me. maybe he does. with that girl trying so hard to get him. and now somehow she has seem to change her target. to females. sigh. weird people. i'll never be able to understand them.ahh.. it feels really good. to just blog everything down. but hey. don't get me wrong. i'm not in need of him or anything. i just needed to pen down everything before i can finally close that chapter in my life. it has been fun. there are tears. yeah. i'm surprised that i'm actually able to get over all that shit and move on. hee=D i'm listening to jas's blog music now. she was right. the song is really sad. though it has no lyrics. just piano. really soothing. it can be for either someone in love or some falling out of love. go check it out. www.starsloves.blogspot.com. thanks me jas. i helped you advertise. for free! ahahaha! whee! finally!! i can't wait for tomorrow. i can finally meet my darling heyi!!! man i miss her so much. finally she and tomy can reunite! ahahaha! me, jas, XUETING!!! and tomy!! sweet! goody goody. =P hope casse can make it. she's going out with that person. sigh. no fun!! make up an excuse or something k?? pppwwweeesssseeee? pretty pleeasee? haha=P casse. i know this is really hard for you. i can feel your pain. but you must be strong ok? this is a cruel world. and nothing is fair here. please don't be like me. falling into that trap repeatedly. cry it out if you want to. don't compress it. remember. i'm just a ohonecall away whenever you need me. don't give the excuse that you can't reach my hp=P. my house phone leh?? i no house ah?? bleah. kidding lah. hee=D daniel daniel daniel. i love you(=

Impressive eh?

Ahahahaha! i can't believe it! Shawn actually went for the audition!!! omg!! ahahaha! and he sang that stupid sissy song ''like a rose''... sigh. hope some miracle happens and he wins or something.. haha.. can't believe it..i really admire his courage and his passion for singing. not many people like him are left in this world you know.. i was suppose to accompany him there, but a fever got in the way.boohoo. but it's getting better, except for a stupid headache which never seems to go away!!! sigh. the twins birthday is coming up like.. really really soon and i have not thought of what to get for them!! sigh. they are really special people in my life. without them, the house would be extremely quiet. and the only irritating noise in the house wuold be my dog's barking. haha. yup. tiny versions of jin. little bimbos in the making=P they're gonna perform some skit at hougang mall on friday for like.. 10 mins only!!! so cute!! haha. and believe it or not.. their chinese is better then me. yup. i was reading some chinese earlier this morning and i had to ask Karyn for the meaning and stuff. it's pretty embrassing if you ask me. hehe. but who cares about chinese. it sucks and will always suck=P sigh. my headache is getting worse. i think i better stop here for now. dan... i'm missing you like crazy. just wanted you to know that(= love you baby.

Whee!!!

hee! i screwed up my blog and i redid it once again!! woohoo! all thanks to jas the lolipop/charcoal/lizard.. or whatever you are being called now. i think it's back to charcoal eh?=D she was the one who taught me all these crap stuff. so complicating! i almost gave up=S whee. i'm feeling quite happy these days. firstly, me and casse are almost back to good times. i feel the warmth again. and that's a good sign i think. yup. going out with her can be really fun. really glad that she had fun too! many things happened in life and made me realise how precious friendship is. hmm... there's another wonderful thing that happened in my life. the entering of daniel(= he's simply perfect. just thinking about him can make me smile all day. just like a smiling freak. and casse would go nudging me the whole day. bleah=P i dont think i can go on a day without him. now he's away and i'm missing him like crazy! boohoo! cry. cry. cry. but there are lots of bad experiences which keeps me really scared. it's something i try not to be but i just can't help it. sigh.i'm scared everyday but i guess that's something i'd have to overcome eventually. lots of things i wanna say but i just can't put it into words. the feeling of fear. love. joy. altogether.

Thank you - Simple Plan

i thought that i could always count on you
i thought that nothing could come
between us two
we said as long as we would
stick together
we'd be alright
we'd be ok

but i was stupid
and you broke me down
i'll never be the same again

so thank you for showing me
that best friends cannot be trusted
anns thank you for lying to me
you friendship, the good times we had
you can have them back

i wonder why it always has to hurt
for every lesson that you have to learn
i won't forget what you did to me
how you showed me things i wished i'd never see

but i was stupid and you broke me down
i'll never be the asme again

when the tables turn again
you'll remember me my frend
you'll be wishing i was there for you

i'll be the one you miss the most
but you'll only find y ghost
as time goes by
you'll wonder why
you're all alone

so thank you - for lying to me
so thank you - for all the times you let me down
so thank you - for lying to me
so thank you - your friendship
you can have it back

Perfect World

i never could have seen this far
i never could have seen this coming
it seems like my world is falling apart
why is everyhting so hard?
i don't think that i can deal
with the things you said
it just won't go away

in a perfect world
this could never happen
in a perfect world
you'll still be here
and it makes no sense
i can just pick up the pieces
but to you this means nothing
nothing at all

i used to think that i was strong
until the day it all wnet wrong
i think i need a miracle to make it through
i wish that i could bring you back
i wish that i could turn back time
cuz i cant let go
i just can't find my way

i don't know what i should do now
i don't know where i should go
i'm still here waiting for you
i'm lost when you're not around
i need to hold on to you
i just can't let you go

in a perfect world
this could never happen
in a perfect world
you'd still be here
and it makes no sense
i could just pick up the pieces
but to you it means nothing
nothing at all

Welcome to My Life

do you ever feel like breaking down?
do you ever feel out of place?
like somehow you just don't belong
and no one understands you

do you ever wanna run away?
do you lock yourself in your room?
with the radio on turned up so loud
that no one hears you screaming

no, you don't know what it's like
when nothing feels alright
you don't know what it's like
to be like me...

to be hurt, to feel lost
to be left out in the dark
to be kicked when you're down
to feel like you've been pushed around
to be on the edge of breaking down
and no one's there to save you
no, you don't know what it's like
welcome to my life

do you wanna be somebody else?
are you sick of feeling so left out?
arre you desperate to find something more
before your life is over?

are you stuck inside a world you hate?
are you sick of everyone around?
with their big fake smiles and stupid lies
while deep inside you're bleeding



no you don't know what it's like
when nothing feels alright
you don't know what it's like
to be like me...

no one ever lied straight to your face
and no one ever stabbed you in the back
you might think i'm happy but i'm not gonna be okay
everybody always gave you what you wanted
you never had to work
it was always there
you don't know what it's like
what it's like

shut up

there you go
you're always so right
it's all a big show
it's all about you

you think you know
what everyone needs
you always take time
to criticize me

it seems like everyday
i make mistakes
i just can't get it right
it's like i'm the one
you love to hate
but not today

so Shut up Shut up Shut up
don't wanna hear it
Get out Get out Get out
get outta my way
Step up Step up Step up
you'll never stop me
nothing you say is gonna bring me down.

there you go
you never ask why
it's all a big lie
whatever you do

you think you're special
but i know and i know and i know
that we know
that you're not

you're always there to point out
my mistakes
and shove them in my face
it's like i'm the one you love to hate
but not today

so Shut up Shut up Shut up
don't wanna hear it
Get out Get out Get out
get outta my way
Step up Step up Step up
you'll never stop me
nothing you say is gonna bring me down

don't tell me who i should ve
and don't try to tell me what's right for me
don't tell me what i should do
i don't wanna waste my time
i'll watch you fade away